My personal story & ‘Why’ I am passionate about Trans advocacy
I have an 8 part mini series on my Tiktok (@lenorelovestruck) called ‘Raw and Unteethered’ that is a poetry style re-telling of what I went through with my sister, mother, and father, who all passed away by the time I was 21. All 3 of their deaths have great tragic irony embedded in it and why I took the effort to share deeply intimate moments, some of which I have never shared with anyone, was for a specific reason.
The reason why I did this very vulnerable mini series, I explain in part 7 and 8, and it links ‘why’ to my personal mission to support the Trans community and advocate for protection of Trans rights. Even though I am not Trans myself, the recurring themes mirror what is currently going on. I talk about how despite all the abuse from my sister in my childhood, and the violent chaos that was my home, no one ever sincerely intervened despite my cries for help.
A child is innocently trying to exist happily as themselves, it is not the child’s fault they are born into a home that is not supportive, much like our trans folks. Our trans friends want to be authentically as themselves, they are essentially minding their own business yet people are going out of their way to bully and actively causing harm to them for solely existing. I understand what it feels like misjudged and mistreated for who you are. I also talk about the concept of hurt people, hurt people, time and time again witnessed the cycle of violence how it started between my sister and mother, then my sister unto me.
I acknowledge that is not comparable to the trans experience but how we relate to others and find empathy, is through our own personal experiences. I will never know what it is like to be trans, but I do know what it feels like to be mistreated by others projections of who they think you are and not who you actually are.
When I witnessed my sister’s suicide attempt at 11, I realized that the cycle of violence only escalates to tragedy which was further cemented by her death at the age of 17 as what child choose to use heroin if they were not suffering greatly internally.
Violence only begets violence and you cannot solve violence with violence, it only ends in suffering either at the hand of another or your own hand due to the inability to cope.
No human deserves to suffer so greatly that even after the event is over they continue to feel it until it consumes them entirely.
People want change in the world but harming, dividing, and yelling is not going to make anyone come to an agreement on values. The American dream at one point was celebrating our differences and now has become a race to divide lines and get on the “right” side of it.
I dream of a world where we all can come to a compromise, we don’t all have to agree or accept each other, but that does not mean we need to perpetuate harm in our communities.
We are all interconnected whether we like it or not and we are on a dangerous path that I am afraid will continue to escalate unless we can come together in some way. We cannot control others, we can only control ourselves.
I whole-heartedly believe that if we are able to do our own individual healing, focus on on improving our quality of life for ourselves and our loved ones, and not be distracted by the misdirection of energy that is draining us all, we all would feel much better, and it will create a ripple effect of change we so desperately need right now.
It is possible to find balance again in a polarized world and it starts with all of us at an individual level taking personal responsibility for the harm we have caused knowingly or unknowingly, forgiving ourselves and others, and going forward with the intention of being a light of positivity in the world.
When we are loving ourselves and our community, we will put effort into it, when we know our self worth, we will demand better, this is OUR country and planet. We ALL deserve to live in a place that is life affirming and not perpetuating harm. We cannot completely eradicate emotional pain, violence, or ignorance, but we absolutely have the power to reduce it, and how it affects our communities.
Don’t you want to be a part of a moment in time where we all stepped up with love to positively make the world a better place?
I know I do.
A trans woman was a positive influence For me during my teenage years.
When I was 13, my older sister had a friend who transitioned from male to female, and meeting this person was the first time I was introduced to a trans person. I learned what being trans meant, and even though at that age I didn’t fully understood the why or what exactly that entailed, I did understand that it meant that someone was committing to the version of themselves that they needed to be in order to be happy.
We all deserve happiness in this life, and that is something I have always felt to be true.
Witnessing my sister being supportive and strangely enough my mother, who was one of the most judgmental people I have ever known, was accepting of someone’s choice to be trans, initially showed me that there was nothing wrong with being Trans.
I did not have positive and supportive woman role models in my early teenage years, even my best friend was emotional abusive towards me but when you grow up in a home where that is how you are treated, that is all you know. My sister’s trans friend showed up to the scene the morning my sister died and was there for me for one of the most traumatic experiences of my life, finding my sister dead. A moment like that bonds you forever, and from there on out, we became friends. I was already familiar with her but we developed our own friendship from there on out. So, now, I did have one supportive woman friend, and that was now my new trans woman friend.
Right now, there is a lot of debate around what womanhood means exactly, and I want to take a moment to acknowledge in a video I have pinned on my Tiktok, I talk about my Trans friend being a positive influence and I mentioned she was the one that taught me make up. It was pointed out to me that there is more to womanhood then those sorts of things which I agree, at the time I didn’t think to include as much of the emotionally heavy contextual nuance to what was going on in my life at the time, nor did I go into the detail of how much our relationship meant to me, so I will do that now.
My trans friend is a someone who I very much looked up to. I have not met a more bubbly and joyful person, the way to describe her is a ray of light on cloudy day. No matter what, she is shining, and I know she like everyone, is subject to heavy moods, but still manages to find the beauty in everything. I felt safe to be around her, which was rare for me, as in my world then, most people were proven not to be safe, neither men or cis woman, or if they were at first, it eventually became unsafe in some way.
However, one person consistently was nothing but loving, supportive, kind, and safe for me to be around and that was and still is my trans friend.
She taught me what it was like to have an emotionally safe friendship with a woman, one that was supportive, encouraging, and joyful, I felt safe to be myself, and I didn’t feel like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop like I felt in so many other connections I had growing up.
My experience growing up with a trans woman taught me that trans woman are woman.
Woman support and lift each other up, and encourage us to be our best most authentic version of ourselves in an environment that feels safe without any expectations or projections of what we “should” be. I feel very fortunate to have had this very positive experience in my adolescence as that taught me a lot also about gender expression as well. One take way I learned is that, no matter how you express or blend masculine and feminine traits, whether in your appearance or in your personality, is that gender is what you make it to be for yourself, and nothing is more beautifully human than to creatively express your being in a way that feels meaningful for you.
I believe we are all here to experience life to the fullest and if your spirit wants to express your gender identity differently then what is considered the societal “standard”, then you should have every freedom to do so. We are all made in God’s image, so to say that Trans people, are people not in alignment in God, then I say to you, you are not in alignment with God, as you are condemning one of God’s creations. Are you saying that God was incorrect to make Trans people and that God is wrong? What kind of God do you believe in if you think that your own God is wrong? What if someone said God was incorrect when creating you? How good would that feel? Not very…I am sure.
Art as a means for personal and Societal transformation
Writing has been a powerful transformation tool for me. Growing up, at times my writing was my only safe space. Besides journaling, writing poetry, songs, meditations, and stories has been a way for me to alchemize emotions I feel very deeply.
The use of AI for writing and other art mediums is taking the human out something that humans need to engage with. Creative expression in my opinion is critical for us as a species in order for us to express our collective emotions and bring about change. Creativity, in whatever expression, helps us transform our pain into something greater and positive for ourselves and for others. Art inspires us to dream bigger and think of what is beyond us.
Art and music has been paramount in every cultural movement and it is critical for us now more than ever to create art that expresses our pain, sorrow, dissatisfaction as well as showing positive aspects of the human experience such as love, joy, and compassion.
Besides, what I am currently doing, I want to create and collaborate on artistic projects that showcase and highlight these elements of human expression and most importantly, ones that celebrate our Trans friends. The world needs to see that Trans people, are in fact just people like you and me!
Our Trans friends inspire us to be our most authentic selves and are the greatest teachers when it comes to alchemizing our personal pain into gold. As to undergo such an intense personal transformation and commit the most authentic version of yourself in a society that views it negatively comes with great pain and sacrifice. Many do not make it that far, loose loved ones, and will often live a life that is still be met with many difficulties and still choose to do it anyway. How powerful and committed to you have to be to your truth in order to do that? We all could learn something from how much courage that takes to do.
Choosing to the most difficult path is not easy but it is the most rewarding, remember that.
Right now, we are collectively suffering and Trans people have become the scapegoat for the failings of late stage capitalism and it is divisive tactic as a means to divide us as a collective even further apart. Violence and harassment of trans people is not going to fix why you are miserable. An unfortunate reality is that people bond over hate, and since people are feeling lonely right now, there is an additional gravitational pull to gang up on a group of people just to feel some sort of sense of comradery and community.
What if we could have a better community that isn’t bonding over hate? What if we transmuted our collective pain by creating art, enriching our local communities with more second spaces, and focus on what is in our control to change? How would it feel not to be so wound up and having energy to engage with things you love?
You’d be surprise to learn that when you focus on making your own life better and not projecting unaddressed pain onto others, you will feel much better. I know it is not easy, but you can do it. You do not have to accept or approve of anyone, but you do not have to cause harm. We are all interconnected, any negativity you putting out there is also affecting you as well. I know sometimes, it is easier to feel pain then sadness but it is necessary to move through it so you can then start building something internally that feels much more bearable then the weight you are currently carrying.
We need to transmute our pain into making the world a better place. Which starts with celebrating our differences, creating art, and collaborating on making our communities a safer and enjoyable place for EVERYONE!