My Personal Story and ‘Why’ I Am Passionate About Trans Advocacy
I have an eight part miniseries on my TikTok (@lenorelovestruck) called ‘Raw and Untethered’ that is a poetry style retelling of what I went through with my sister, mother, and father, who had all passed away by the time I was 21. All three of their deaths have great tragic irony embedded in them. I took the time to share deeply intimate moments, some of which I had never shared with anyone, for a specific reason.
I explain the reason why I created this very vulnerable miniseries in parts seven and eight, and it connects to my personal mission to support the trans community and advocate for the protection of trans rights. Even though I am not trans myself, the recurring themes mirror what is currently going on. I talk about how, despite all the abuse from my sister during my childhood and the violent chaos that was my home, no one ever sincerely intervened despite my cries for help.
A child is innocently trying to exist happily as themselves. It is not the child’s fault that they are born into a home that is not supportive, much like our trans folks. Our trans friends want to live authentically as themselves. They are essentially minding their own business, yet people are going out of their way to bully and actively cause harm to them solely for existing. I understand what it feels like to be misjudged and mistreated for who you are. I also talk about the concept that hurt people hurt people. Time and time again, I witnessed the cycle of violence and how it started between my sister and mother, then continued from my sister to me.
I acknowledge that this is not comparable to the trans experience, but how we relate to others and find empathy is through our own personal experiences. I will never know what it is like to be trans, but I do know what it feels like to be mistreated because of others’ projections of who they think you are rather than who you actually are.
When I witnessed my sister’s suicide attempt at 11, I realized that the cycle of violence only escalates into tragedy. This was further cemented by her death at the age of 17, because what child chooses to use heroin if they are not suffering greatly internally?
Violence only begets violence, and you cannot solve violence with violence. It only ends in suffering, either at the hands of another or by your own hand due to the inability to cope.
No human deserves to suffer so greatly that, even after the event is over, they continue to feel it until it consumes them entirely.
People want change in the world, but harming, dividing, and yelling are not going to make anyone come to an agreement on values. At one point, the American dream was about celebrating our differences, and now it has become a race to draw dividing lines and get on the “right” side of them.
I dream of a world where we can all come to a compromise. We do not all have to agree with or accept each other, but that does not mean we need to perpetuate harm in our communities.
We are all interconnected, whether we like it or not, and we are on a dangerous path that I am afraid will continue to escalate unless we can come together in some way. We cannot control others. We can only control ourselves.
I wholeheartedly believe that if we are able to do our own individual healing, focus on improving the quality of life for ourselves and our loved ones, and avoid being distracted by the misdirection of energy that is draining us all, we will all feel much better. It will create a ripple effect of the change we so desperately need right now.
It is possible to find balance again in a polarized world, and it starts with all of us, at an individual level, taking personal responsibility for the harm we have caused, knowingly or unknowingly, forgiving ourselves and others, and moving forward with the intention of being a light of positivity in the world.
When we love ourselves and our community, we will put effort into caring for both. When we know our self worth, we will demand better. This is OUR country and planet. We ALL deserve to live in a place that is life affirming and does not perpetuate harm. We cannot completely eradicate emotional pain, violence, or ignorance, but we absolutely have the power to reduce them and the ways they affect our communities.
Don’t you want to be part of a moment in time when we all stepped up with love to make the world a better place?
I know I do.
A trans woman was a positive influence For me during my teenage years.
When I was 13, my older sister had a friend who transitioned from male to female. Meeting her was the first time I was introduced to a trans person. I learned what being trans meant, and even though, at that age, I did not fully understand why or exactly what that entailed, I understood that it meant someone was committing to the version of themselves they needed to be in order to be happy.
We all deserve happiness in this life, and that is something I have always felt to be true.
Witnessing my sister being supportive, and strangely enough, my mother, who was one of the most judgmental people I have ever known, accepting someone’s choice to be trans initially showed me that there was nothing wrong with being trans.
I did not have positive and supportive women as role models during my early teenage years. Even my best friend was emotionally abusive toward me, but when you grow up in a home where that is how you are treated, that is all you know.
My sister’s trans friend showed up at the scene the morning my sister died and was there for me during one of the most traumatic experiences of my life: finding my sister dead. A moment like that bonds you forever, and from then on, we became friends. I was already familiar with her, but we developed our own friendship after that.
Now, I did have one supportive woman friend, and that was my new trans woman friend.
Right now, there is a lot of debate around what womanhood means exactly, and I want to take a moment to acknowledge something. In a video I have pinned on my TikTok, I talk about my trans friend being a positive influence, and I mention that she was the one who taught me how to do makeup.
It was pointed out to me that there is more to womanhood than those sorts of things, which I agree with. At the time, I did not think to include as much of the emotionally heavy context surrounding what was going on in my life, nor did I go into detail about how much our relationship meant to me. So I will do that now.
My trans friend is someone I very much looked up to. I have never met a more bubbly and joyful person. The best way to describe her is as a ray of light on a cloudy day. No matter what, she is shining. I know that she, like everyone, experiences heavy moods, but she still manages to find the beauty in everything.
I felt safe around her, which was rare for me. In my world at the time, most people had proven themselves unsafe, whether they were men or cis women. Even if someone seemed safe at first, the relationship eventually became unsafe in some way.
However, one person was consistently nothing but loving, supportive, kind, and safe for me to be around, and that was, and still is, my trans friend.
She taught me what it was like to have an emotionally safe friendship with a woman, one that was supportive, encouraging, and joyful. I felt safe being myself, and I did not feel like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, as I had in so many other relationships growing up.
My experience growing up with a trans woman taught me that trans women are women.
Women support and lift each other up. They encourage us to be the best and most authentic versions of ourselves in an environment that feels safe, without expectations or projections of what we “should” be.
I feel very fortunate to have had this positive experience during my adolescence, as it also taught me a lot about gender expression. One takeaway I learned is that no matter how you express or blend masculine and feminine traits, whether through your appearance or your personality, gender is what you make it for yourself, and nothing is more beautifully human than creatively expressing your being in a way that feels meaningful to you.
Art as a means for personal and Societal transformation
Writing has been a powerful transformational tool for me. Growing up, there were times when my writing was my only safe space. Besides journaling, writing poetry, songs, meditations, and stories has been a way for me to alchemize the emotions I feel so deeply.
The use of AI for writing and other artistic mediums is taking the human element out of something that humans need to engage with. Creative expression, in my opinion, is critical for us as a species because it allows us to express our collective emotions and bring about change.
Creativity, in whatever form it takes, helps us transform our pain into something greater and more positive for ourselves and others. Art inspires us to dream bigger and imagine what exists beyond us.
Art and music have been paramount in every cultural movement, and it is critical, now more than ever, for us to create art that expresses our pain, sorrow, and dissatisfaction while also showing positive aspects of the human experience, such as love, joy, and compassion.
In addition to what I am currently doing, I want to create and collaborate on artistic projects that showcase and highlight these elements of human expression and, most importantly, projects that celebrate our trans friends. The world needs to see that trans people are, in fact, just people like you and me!
Our trans friends inspire us to be our most authentic selves and are some of the greatest teachers when it comes to alchemizing personal pain into gold. Undergoing such an intense personal transformation and committing to the most authentic version of yourself in a society that views it negatively comes with great pain and sacrifice.
Many do not make it that far. Some lose loved ones and often live lives that continue to be met with many difficulties, yet they still choose to do it anyway. How powerful and committed to your truth do you have to be in order to do that? We could all learn something from how much courage that takes.
Choosing the most difficult path is not easy, but it is the most rewarding. Remember that.
Right now, we are collectively suffering, and trans people have become the scapegoat for the failings of late stage capitalism. It is a divisive tactic used to separate us even further as a collective.
Violence and harassment toward trans people are not going to fix why you are miserable. An unfortunate reality is that people bond over hate. Since people are feeling lonely right now, there is an additional gravitational pull to gang up on a group of people just to feel some sense of camaraderie and community.
What if we could have a better community that does not bond over hate? What if we transmuted our collective pain by creating art, enriching our local communities with more second spaces, and focusing on what is within our control to change? How would it feel to no longer feel so wound up and to actually have the energy to engage with the things you love?
You would be surprised to learn that when you focus on making your own life better instead of projecting unaddressed pain onto others, you will feel much better. I know it is not easy, but you can do it.
You do not have to accept or approve of anyone, but you do not have to cause harm. We are all interconnected. Any negativity you put out into the world also affects you.
I know that sometimes it is easier to feel anger rather than sadness, but it is necessary to move through it so you can begin building something internally that feels much more bearable than the weight you are currently carrying.
We need to transmute our pain into making the world a better place. That starts with celebrating our differences, creating art, and collaborating to make our communities safer and more enjoyable places for EVERYONE!